a christmas post

written by Ross

Christmas is, without a doubt, my favorite time of year. EVERY year, Christmas is ripe with expectations.  At our house I expect certain things. I expect presents. I expect a tree.  I expect people to put up GOOD Christmas lights for my viewing pleasure. I expect to watch Love Actually twice in December. I expect Sal to bust out the terrible Amy Grant Christmas album.

This year, we expected Christmas to be better than ever. Every joy, every moment, every thrill would be multiplied by the fact that Sal would be pregnant and that we would be celebrating that along with everything else. Now, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with joyful anticipation, but it does make everything worse when what you were expecting is taken from you. Suddenly every Christmas card seems to be covered in babies, we are finding Christmas ornaments that say “babies’ first Christmas” that I don’t even remember existing, and attending party after party after party and pretending like the reality of the miscarriage isn’t still painful and present starts to take its inevitable toll.

Then there are the presents. When Sally was 3 years old and sat on Santa’s lap, she told Santa that all she wanted was one of those GIANT candy canes.  I’m sure her parents thought “jackpot!!! that is like the easiest and cheapest thing for her to ask for!!!”  It was easily procured and easily placed in the stocking.  This Christmas, Sal was expecting to ask for nursery stuff.  Since that’s no longer necessary, for her to come up with something just to come up with something felt pretty unnecessary. I recently asked her, “I know you can’t get what you really want, but let me take you shopping, maybe we can find a nice fun top.” She shot me a look that I think was a combination of “A nice fun top is the LAST thing I need, and now I’m questioning whether or not I want to even make a baby with a guy who says things like ‘nice fun top’”

The point is, this Christmas, what we really wanted couldn’t be easily bought or easily wrapped.  We were expecting a child.  Now we aren’t.

Thousands of years ago the people in Israel were expecting. Waiting. Waiting for the Messiah. Their savior.  The word Advent means Coming.  All December, as the advent candles are lit, they represent the words: Love, Joy, Peace, and Hope.   But this Christmas we have sat in the services and felt that those words were a lie.  However, the more we let the truth of how God defines those words sink in, we realize they are true no matter what your circumstances.

This advent season we have seen  how our expectations as sinful humans so often leads to the opposite of what God promises to give. We have found that the more we LOVE in this world the more we have to lose. The more we pursue the JOYS of this world (the joys of having children, for example) the more we open ourselves up to great pain. The more we place our HOPES in things of this world, the more we open ourselves up to disappointment. PEACE that the world gives is so often temporary and circumstantial, and when it fades we are left with worry, anxiety, and fear. We expect that all of these things will deliver but we are so often looking in the wrong place for them.

Currently, in our life, Sally and I are wanting Love, Joy, Hope, and Peace to come in the form of a baby.  I don’t think it’s wrong to wish and hope for a child. However, I am struck by the irony of it all.  The whole point of Christmas is that Love, Joy, Hope, and Peace DID come in the form of a baby.   The God of the universe came to earth as a baby to bring us permanent, complete, and lasting Love, Joy, Hope, and Peace.  Because that tiny baby later went on to die on a cross for our sins we now have:

Perfect PEACE with God

Sacrificial LOVE of God

Certain HOPE for God

and Ultimate JOY in God.

These are permanent. They do not fade with time or circumstances. They do not change based on our emotions.  And they came to us through a baby who was born to die for us, AND who will come again to redeem our sufferings.

There is one Christmas song this year that has been my bread and butter in terms of Christmas music. It’s by a band called “Folk Angel” and it is a stripped down “mash-up” (if you will) of “Joy to the World” and “Come Thou Long Expected Jesus.” I encourage everybody to download it and pray with us the refrain at the end. We sit here at Christmas and this year, more than ever, we have found amazing comfort in this simple prayer, “come thou long expected Jesus, born to set thy people free.”